Well i've been abit down lately, if u didnt notice it, all i can say is tat i did a good job hidding it... sorry, i noe nothing to be proud of... anyway there have been little things tat bugs me here & there... so when it all adds up i was feeling kinda emotional about it...

I have thinking abt things alot lately, besides having lotsa crap in my head, i do have a few thinking cell by the way... not very convincing? i agree... anyway i emptied my head & pondered... i realise it's abt contentment... example: if u have no time u worry, if u have abit of time u worry abt wat to do wif the little time u have, when u have lotsa time u wonder wat u gonna do wif it.... there're many things to do but i juz didnt wanna do it... it's like i can neva be satisfied... the thing here is to be content wif wat i have...

Felt alot better when i'm contented... there're juz somethings in life u will not have...

So i decided to do things i enjoyed to be happy...
1)well i met up wif some of my poly frens, Joyce, Fabian & LN to catch X3. it was so fun watching a midnite movie & catching up wif them... the movie was great! lotsa action too bad it wasn't like the actual comic but nvm....
2)went on dates, 1st wif sasha then clara... spend lotsa $$$ :-p haiz overeat somemore... haha but was fun hangout wif the bro & sis doing things... lotsa laughs... good to have frens
3)dota... no need to say more
4) watch da vinci code & hangout after tat... storybook was better!!!! but enjoyed the company then go hangout again wif other bro & sis
5)watch over the hedge last nite wif roger teo, very funny pls watch it laugh until almost roll on the floor, btw from the creator of shrek... cant be wrong...

i was thinking lotsa goo things will cheer me up but thru all these i realise it's not the activities, it's the company!!! i had lotsa fun but it was better wif all pple ard me... i'm content to have so many frens in my to hangout wif... look forward to more hangouts! so nxt time got hangout better chio me!! haha so unreasonable one...

There're still lotsa things to do, lotsa worries in my life especially in June, but i'm glad i'm happier now & tat i noe how to handle 'things' as for now i can only keep praying for forgiveness... & for contentment... we can neva be fulfilled unless we decide to be... this will oso help u to continue to be motivated!!! 加油!!!! :-)

well i think rapheal's lesson really helped me to see how i needed to be more motivated & more relying in God... i guess i cant control everything, but i can do my best in wat i can control... u might think this is clinche but live is full of reminders...

i needed to be reminded again & again of my purpose in life... Big Jo asked me the other day wat will be my answer if someone was to ask me why did i become a X'tain, well i said is to have a better life & to have a relationship wif God...

Haha i forgot tat my live though without much control it's way better than being a non x'tain simply becos i noe i'm always called to do the rite thing... Btw being a pagan doesnt mean u have more control in life!!!

there u go, i've sorted myself out haha... well credit to rapheal & big Jo... well the truth is all of u affect my life as well.... thx for the frenship...

I juz found out a fren's mum past away yesterday... it was sad news but i knew abt her mum's condition for awhile already... How do u cope wif something so painful & so drastic on life? how do u cope wif the pain & the lost? i felt such an over-whelming sadnest when i heard abt it... maybe i'm juz emotional like always...

there're so many things tat r beyond our control, u can want something but it does not always go ur way... God has His plans... i juz need to be still... but it's so hard to be still, to be faithful & trusting... i felt like somtimes a part of me juz dies & i dun even have the strength to push on, to fight, to struggle... the depressing vibe tat can be felt all ard me... it's like my eyes were painted grey & tat everything is so grey ard me... lifeless, almost meaningless...

i guess i have to come to terms tat i'm not in control of my own life... i can plan & organise but life itself is in control in its own way... God controls it & nothing comes into my life by accident... So why live? Why struggle? It's even painful to think abt it... the irony is tat we're created to lead our own lives tat we've so little control of...

i'll leave it as tat for now, need to pray more & struggle more... to see wat God is teaching me... to find the motivation to see the bigger picture...

This is one of my fav comic it's call 'Get Fuzzy' this is today issue the 14th/may/2006
It's really funny help me to relax & take my mind off work when i'm abit more free...

Well the reason why i post this comic besides tat i like it, is tat it always makes me laugh... sometimes i feel tat i really find it hard to laugh, i mean i can laugh at anything but those really hearty laugh, it's abit hard to come by....

Thing is i can always make pple laugh, granted u might not always find wat i say very funny, but i think i can be funny... anyway my point is tat nowadays, i dun always find it easy to laugh; even at at my own jokes... i can be rowdy, loud, RARA!! watever u call it... i guess everyone puts on a mask, i mean i might have a hard day at work or tat i juz find the meeting so boring or meaningless yet i still put on a smile. A mask tat make things so much easier but nothing gets done... so wat's the point...

well u juz have to learn to laugh at wat life might throw at u be it good or bad, i dun mean to numb urself but to learn to cope, we're all coping wif life and we're all responsible for it. "DUN MAKE UR PROBLEM, MY PROBLEM" dunno if u hear this b4 but it is our lives & our choices at the end of the day...

So choose wisely, choose to be righteous, choose to be Godly, choose to laugh!
So if ya having a bad day(dun be ungrateful) cheer up, if ya having a good day thank God(dun be ungrateful oso) give thanks. it's abt contentment & wat we 'choose' to see, God's work or Satan's lies.... I dun always find it easy & i make many wrong choices every single day... But God is forgiving & merciful, juz be grateful... ;-)

Ok lets admit it, we are all conscious abt our looks, some less, some more... but no matter wat we dun wanna look stupid infront of pple... maybe we dun realise it... But we dun want pple to stare at us but to juz notice us... we want attention but we dun wanna try to hard... well i guess this is how we're, wanna be appreciated but oso to retain our modesty... hiaz hard to pls? i agree... i find myself like tat many a times...

well there's a bunch of erm teens always hanging out under my block of flat... whenever i walk pass they will never fail to look up to see who walk pass, normal? well but they dun do it to anyone tat walk pass, they seems to look in a way tat is abit hostile even offensive... well so u say how do i noe if i neva stare at them, well i did look at them & they turn away, glancing at something else then look at thme again... sometimes i wonder if they are there to really pick a fight or have nothing better to do...

of coz dun go up to them & ask them why they keep looking at me but every once in awhile i would think wat would it be like if i were to go up to them & ask them wat they doing... maybe will fight maybe police will come but i neva dared to cos they would noe which blk i stay....

well so wat i concluded is this they are really 'BO LIAO' & i would only notice them when i'm 'Bo LIAO' so... no need to stare stare lah juz smile will be fine but u would definite look like a dodo... still it's better than getting into fight.....

(this logo was taken from last yr)

Heh guys really need your help here, if u haven sign up for the H4SD or tat u noe anyone in your grp tat haven sign up for it yet please ask them to go look for their hope rep to sign up... if u noe tat they can sign up for a whole day shift but only sign up for 1/2 day only, pls encourage them to sign up for the whole day one... Erm we're really short of pple & really need pple tat can & are committed... Erm if u have frens tat wanna volunteer oso can pls juz tell ur hope rep!!! thx alot for ur help & for those tat have already sign up great job...

I juz wanna say i'm glad to see tat PAP won most of the seats in the election... i think they have done a good job so far & will keep doing a good job... Btw i think it's good for MP Low Thia Khiang & MP Chiam See Tong win... because they are great leaders and i think they have serve the pple well so, they should definitely represent the pple again... i think this is the time where many more sporean becomes politcally aware which is important to the progress for our nation... well i didn't get to vote for my GRC, Tanjong Pagar GRC have MM Lee in office for a long time so there is a very strong support there... What did i learn? Erm tat election year is a good year cos got progress package... lol erm besides tat i think this is the time where the government have to answer to questions from the citizens... they have to lead them & produce results... i dun think i can ever be a politician but i do think we've a good government & i hope they stay in power... thanks for helping us to be politcally aware until nxt time which is 5 yrs later....

Today is those kinda day where u'll will easily forget, erm... tat kinda day where like any other day... nothing new nothing to look forward to... yap tat's today, or at least tat is to me...

this kinda days are wasted, and we dunno it, it juz slips by without u feeling it. but everyday counts, our indifference have blinded us so much... we hope those days will go away, we feel like there's no excitement no meaning to those days juz doing wat we need to do, going thru the motion of live; mundane life... we dun like it cos it's boring!

But we cant run away from it, these days grind thru our lives, etching into our minds a sense of meaningless, maybe even helplessness... So break away u'll think find something exciting to do? well how much things can u do before u get bored again?

i was juz think how come pple in the bible can have such impacting lives but i cant? well but they have many mundane days too... think abt it, Moses was 80 yrs old before leading the Isralites outta Eygpt, Noah builded the ark when he was 600 yrs old!!! it juz makes me wonder wat they do wif the rest of the times...

So wat were they doing b4 God called them? they went thru live, the grinding & the pounding... so u cant help feeling tat ur day is wasted, u cant always have a good day... there are only this much u can do, so how to life fulfilling? hmmm, i oso dunno but i guess we can only try to make the best outta it...

Well ever since my spritual birthday i tot alot abt my spiritual life... It has been a week & i think it's time to be sober & focus again on my x'tain live...

This pass week tot abt many things was very emotional, was frustrated as well, i was asking myself lotsa question, asking God lotsa question but there wasn't any ans! well so i decided not to dwell on it & move on focus on other things (dota was definitely a good form of distraction... lol) I need to re-focus my view to God's view...

Time for some re-alignment, i tot abt fasting on soft drinks & only drink plain water!
Every monday i'll start of my week with a early morning jog & prayer walk ard my plc!!!
Nxt is to find a fren to study bible with... Every Sunday, dota as usual, haha no lah gonna go every alternate Sunday & reach out to pple i met opp church to play ultimate frisbie...

i noe this is ideally lah of cos there are still lotsa of things tat need to my attn as well, like work, my small grp & hope for senior day (H4SD)...

pls pray for me & if ya struggling, u oso need to re-align to God!!! lastly 加油!!!